This is me. I took this picture today (March 1, 2020) after trying to find the right imagine to capture my current mood. After taking a break from my blog for the past few months, I’m back and ready to be renewed in a way that only writing can do.
Today, I begin a journey of being conscious about my own healing. In my absence from the blog, I’ve experienced some rough valleys (and honestly I don’t know if they are all over, but I can at least finally exhale). My health took a nose dive after my 40th birthday in the summer and I’ve been climbing out of the emotional fog that caused since the fall.
I resigned from my job and don’t know what’s next. But I am certain that my next job (whatever it may be) will value me. There’s something about 40 that hits differently. Since many of my friends are older than me, I watched how 40 transformed them into more confident women. Welp, what do you know, it hit me the same way. My decision to resign from my job was about keeping a promise to myself I made when I was 20 years old. In my final year of college, I was accepted into a summer abroad program to Dresden, Germany. It would be my first trip abroad as an adult and I worked two jobs while taking 16 credit hours to make sure that I graduated college on time and afforded the trip abroad. After all, my mom, pastor, congregation, and others in the neighborhood gave whatever financial contribution they could afford to cover the price of the tuition. I had to go to Germany because my entire community made it possible.
To make a long detailed story short, I was horribly mistreated, lied on, and threatened with termination by a supervisor at one of my jobs. At one point in the meeting where this all happened, he asked everyone to step outside and when they were gone, he told me bluntly, “I can see you’ve done nothing wrong. But, you’re new to this town and I’ve known that woman since she was a child. It’s down to you or her and you won’t win. When I call her back in, I hope you’ll make the right decision and apologize to her because at this point that’s all she’s asking for.” When he called her back into the room, I apologized to the woman for something that I didn’t do. I took the blame. She proceeded to cuss me out. I do mean cuss, not curse. She gave me a good ol’ cussing out! I was dragged through the linguistic gutter. My supervisor allowed her to call me everything that came to her mind and it lasted until her heart was content. I sat there, head down, tears falling from my face, and my mind on the trip to Germany. I believed that the only way I could make the trip is if I kept that job. In that moment, however, I promised myself then that I would never allow myself to be mistreated for money again. Everyday that I went to work after that day, I felt a piece of my dignity fade. So, when I found myself in a similar place, being horribly mistreated, I kept the promise I made to myself as a young woman. I resigned. Because of that, I am now writing this blog as a free agent and free of regret. There is a beauty in knowing your value and making moves that validate your worth that I didn’t experience the first time around. I am hopeful that I will find another job soon and that they will appreciate my skills for content design, talent for public speaking, and passion for educating others. If you know anyone looking to hire a dynamic educator, enthusiastic presenter, and creative thinker with excellent interpersonal skills, send them my way. ;-)
Lastly, I would like to share that I have started a diabetes vlog series. It’s entitled WHAT? because when you find out why I was ill in the summer you will be shocked. Each episode will leave you asking, what?. It’s the diabetes vlog series that you don’t want to miss. I released the first episode on my diaversary last month, episode 2 last week, and episode 3 is coming out at the end of this week. Make sure you catch episode 1 here and episode 2 here.
So, again, today I am being conscious about being present in a way that honors who I am. I am going to take the time to breathe fresh air, read books that I was too busy to get to, and return to my first love–writing. Thanks for supporting me even in my quiet times.