Slowly Unraveling: Know Your Signs

It’s been 2 weeks since I’ve been in quarantine. I was handing it well. Until yesterday. Yesterday, I woke up early and went to the grocery store. After arriving, I saw roughly 40 other people who had the same plan as I had–arrive early, get in and get out swiftly. Almost instantly, my excitement for our weekly outing disappeared.  I wasn’t prepared for the visual changes that had taken place in just 7 days.

80% of the people were wearing masks. Some real, but most were made from whatever they could find. A scarf. A towel. And some fabrics that I couldn’t recognize. It felt eerie. Much more terrifying than the empty streets. I carried a headwrap and put it over my face a few times because I caught the fear from people’s eyes. It was more contagious than Coronavirus. I became scared because everyone around me was.

I didn’t expect the trip to the grocery store to remind me that within a week, more people had caught COVID-19 than last week. I didn’t know that the trip would remind me that within a week, more people had died from COVID-19 than last week. Most alarming was that it reminded me that I have a comprised immune system and I am closer to being exposed to Coronavirus this grocery store run than I was at last week’s. I became hypervigilant. Which caused my blood sugar to spike. The cashiers now wear face shields. Their usual greetings were said to customers at checkout, but not with the same vitality and friendliness.

My husband reminded me while shopping, “Phyllisa be careful of everything you touch.” I responded, “I know!” But the truth is, it was too much for me to process at once. I felt unprepared to witness this new normal. When we got home and put the groceries away, I sat on the sofa and just stared in the distance. He asked what was wrong, but there were so many thoughts competing for attention, I couldn’t grab one and tell him that I was thinking about that. I was thinking about everything. My insulin supply, ventilators, how much longer will it be like this, the rising deaths in Italy, the Americans not taking it seriously, my friends in China who are no longer in quarantine, my friends who can’t attend the funerals of loved ones right now because funerals are banned as well air travel. One thought melted into another one.

I didn’t sleep well last night. Nor did I sleep well the night before when it was announced that we would have another 2 weeks of quarantine. I tossed all night processing another two weeks. I barely made it through the first two weeks.

This morning it clicked. One sleepless night has become 2. My blood sugars haven’t been leveled these past two days. My anxiety is slowing increasing. These are my signs when I’m slowly unraveling.

Through counseling, I’ve learned to check in with myself and recognize when a pattern is brewing. It’s much easier to avoid a storm than to smolder one. So, today, I decided that I will

-listen to my favorite songs,

-go outside and let my feet touch the grass as a reminder that I am planted and where I need to be in the moment,

-pray. For me, you, and the world,

-limit social media,

-eat a good meal with healthy portions and take the correct amount of insulin,

-take a long shower tonight and release negative thoughts,

-fall asleep watching a comedy.

I hope you are doing wellness checks on yourself. Know your signs. Know what unraveling looks and feels like for you. While it’s good to know that we aren’t alone, we are individuals who have different breaking points. Please know when you’re unraveling so that you can stay away from your breaking point.

Today, I’ll start making a list of what surviving two more weeks looks like for me. Staying healthy is my top priority. If you have any suggestions, please leave them in the comments.

 

By | 2020-03-29T18:16:21+00:00 March 29th, 2020|Uncategorized|

7 Comments

  1. Letrez March 30, 2020 at 10:55 pm - Reply

    Thank you for sharing!! It is good to know that I’m not the only one. Shortly after the news ramped up surrounding the virus, I shut off my social media access. I have slowly returned and I’m trying to fill my feed and others’ with positive things. It truly is overwhelming. To not know if you just encountered the virus and will be next. But I have to get meds and food on occasion. I just have to pray that I’m doing everything right and limit everything I can.

  2. Jobila March 30, 2020 at 5:56 pm - Reply

    Thank you for sharing. Know that you are not alone. I appreciate the reminders for self-care. My gratitude journal has made every day a little easier to cope. Love you!

  3. Rachandra March 30, 2020 at 2:45 pm - Reply

    Wow! Thanks for sharing. I am in awe that you have realized your triggers and actively do what is necessary to get yourself back aligned. We don’t know what will come in the next weeks and months, but through prayer, contact via social media, and the love of our family, I pray we can stay grounded. Missing you dearly. You all are always in our prayers.

  4. LaShonda Eaddy March 30, 2020 at 2:25 pm - Reply

    Thanks for your transparency. I’ve found comfort in the unexpected time that I’ve had with my family. My struggle has been with motivation to do my work. At first, I felt like I should take advantage of this “time” to catch up, but realize that I need to allow myself time to process how things are changing and adjust to the new temporary normal. Stay well and I’ll be praying for you. ❤️

  5. Wanda March 30, 2020 at 7:58 am - Reply

    Thank you for revealing my thoughts. I can’t place them in words as eloquently as you, but mine are echoing yours. Thank you for reminding me to self check.

  6. Georgena March 30, 2020 at 5:38 am - Reply

    I love the story , thanks for giving me tips and hope for surviving during this horrible pandemic.

    This too shall pass!!!

  7. Katrina March 30, 2020 at 5:05 am - Reply

    Great Advice!!

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