Almost naturally, I found myself on Pinterest searching for “Pregnancy announcements” because I wanted my announcement to be “P.E.R.F.E.C.T.” when I told my husband. I thought about telling him over dinner where instead of dessert on the tray, it would be the pregnancy news. Or perhaps a puzzle or scavenger hunt. While, I wasn’t sure which one it would be, I knew it would be creative. After all, I am a creative person.
It was a Wednesday morning around 5am and I had awaken early only to relieve my bladder. It would mark the 4th day I had been awaiting a visitor to no avail and I was happy, but not too happy because the month before was similar. Except my monthly visitor arrived eight days late. So, although I was happy, I didn’t want to get my hopes up too high and experience the level of disappointment I had before. I knew it was almost too early to check, but I decided to check anyway. As soon as I sat down to rescue my bladder of its load, I heard the call to prayer. I paused to bring my mind into submission. I went through the motions of taking the test and while I waited the 2 minutes for the results…I prayed.
I don’t do heartache too well. I know it’s a part of life, but it isn’t an experience I care to partake in too frequently. So, because I knew the heartbreak of wanting to be pregnant only to find a negative result, I wanted this time to be different. Previously, I had tested once with the early detection test (negative), then waited to the right window and tested again (negative), used the test from Dollar Tree (negative), used the most expensive test in the store (negative), and yet still I held on to hope. Cause we’ve all heard/read about that woman who was actually pregnant when the tests said otherwise. That could be me, couldn’t it? It wasn’t.
So, because I wanted this experience to be different, I prayed a different prayer. Rather than asking to be pregnant, I asked God to help me surrender to His will for my life. My exhaustion from being disappointed wasn’t completely over the negative test result, it was partly about not getting what I wanted when I wanted it. I knew that I needed to find peace. In those two minutes while I waited for the result, while the call to prayer was echoing from all the nearby mosques, I closed my eyes and surrendered to His will.
I took a deep breathe.
I inhaled serenity.
I exhaled all my desires.
I just broke down with gratitude that God had given me this gift. I smiled. I laughed. I jumped up and ran…
“I’M PREGNANT” (jumps on bed)
“DO YOU SEE IT? PREGNANT! I AM PREGNANT” (Feeling a sense that’s indescribable)
I eventually went back to bed and a few hours later went to the hospital and it was “confirmed.”Next Post: I share my “Pregnancy Wish List.” Now that I was pregnant, there were surely somethings I didn’t want to experience like swollen ankles. Yes, I know I still need prayer. LOL But I figure, we have not cause we ask not.