I am not the type of woman that felt my life would be incomplete without experiencing motherhood. For most of my life, I would even say, “I don’t want children.” I didn’t get a “tingling” feeling when passing the baby section in stores and “Baby Fever” was never something I caught. It was a distant thought but nothing that lingered in my face like a golden carrot like it does for some women.
I was a bona fide career-focused woman. I made no apologies for my feelings when family would ask “So… when are you going to have kids?” My quick-witted response was “When they come out with a check in their hands.” I wasn’t even moved when my grandmother said, “I hope you have children before I die.” We laughed, but I know deep down she was serious. I said, “Grandma, you have more than 40 grandchildren and more than 10 great grandchildren, ain’t that enough.” She smiled, “but not one of them is yours.” We laughed again.
Fortunately, my husband never pressed the issue and gave me the space to be me. To do me. To focus on US. To explore the world together and establish our bond.
My diagnosis with diabetes entailed me spending six days in the hospital alone and that was a life-changing experience! Due to circumstances, not one single family member could come visit and since I was new to the city I was working in, I didn’t have a tribe of friends. I had never spent one night in a hospital before and having to spend five lonely nights there was cause to pause.
I walked away feeling strongly about two things; 1-I didn’t want to ever be that alone again, I wanted a family and 2-I was doubtful that I could have a family with Type 2.
Will I pass Type 2 to my kid(s)? How can I add anything else on my plate with having to count the carbs in everything I eat and drink? If I need to cater a hypo and my baby at the same time, who gets the priority? How do I manage finger pricks and diaper changing? See the dilemma. I had finally reached a point in my life when I wanted to be a mother, but was now so rattled with fear, anxiety, and questions about diabetes that I couldn’t possibly seriously think about children. So, I didn’t.
3 years passed.
I had carb-counting down to a science, my life with diabetes was organized and no longer consumed me, I had a diet and exercise routine, and I was living by my motto… Diagnosed NOT Defeated. I remembered that Fear and God do not occupy the same space at the same time; so it was my time to try. I prayed for a family and my prayer was granted.
I had no clue, however, that living with Type 2 while pregnant would be one of the most difficult things I have experienced. I couldn’t write about being pregnant while pregnant but I knew if I survived the experience that I would share it so that others may be informed. Tune-in to this blog series because for the next few weeks, I will be posting about my challenges and joys.
Next Blog: How I found out, how I planned to tell my husband, and how the “perfect” announcement failed.